Easy To Forget

While Ben was at the hospital for his ultrasound & gastroscopy the specialist had also found during his exam cataracts in both of Ben's eyes. Anyone who works with or around Ben can pick up on the fact that he has some vision impairment. His right eye is the worse of the two. In any kind of low/dim lighting he has a higher chance of hitting his head or running into something especially on the right side. Though he manages that in daylight also sometimes. The specialist had mentioned the only thing you can do for cataracts is surgery but it was not recommended for Ben in particular so that left nothing for me to do medically. He did say he needed to be in the same field as much as possible so he knew his surroundings & the obvious of keeping the field clear of any holes or debris he might trip over. I asked him if he had maybe recently lost more vision could that have been a contributing factor to his diagnosis of ulcers & his reply was that it is a possibility. Now just because I'm writing this don't go thinking he's blind by any means! He can see through both eyes just one better than the other & because of this you do need to be more aware when working around him especially the right side. If you just passed by him while he was in the field you would never know there was a problem.

I knew from when I first got Ben that he didn't like being moved from his field in the dark. There was a time when I had first gotten him & he was outside pretty much all the time (which he loves!) & I had to bring him in to the barn at night to apply cream to one of his cuts he gave himself. As I haltered & lead roped & started to lead him through the gate he pulled back feeling uncomfortable with the situation. He did allow me to guide him but he was wary about it. I was also told that he didn't jump at night or wouldn't might be a better word. Smart guy really knowing he couldn't asses the jump properly & didn't want to risk himself or his rider. The shadows from the arena lights & the dark. You could ride him at night outside with arena lights on the flat no problem but jumping wasn't going to go. I never thought much of those things honestly because I was new to horse ownership & everything that went with it. Plus I never had an issue directly other than those two minor incidents one of which I was just told so never attempted it. He's had vision issues for many years but I do see it has gotten worse but nothing crazy. He has done just fine through all our jumping & showing & riding no problem.

Last night I was reminded of this issue hence this post. Ben got his toes done last night & since we are moving to fall by the time he was done & ready to go back outside it was dark. I knew it might be an issue but his field was nice & close so I figured the lights from the barn would be sufficient. Nope. I went to bring him to his field & as I went through the gate something was pulling back. It was Ben walking backwards. I stop & console him for a moment & he begins to walk with me again & then proceeded to run through really quick through the gate like something might bite his legs if he went any slower. He stopped once he was through & I closed the gate then took off his halter. He then got spooked by something landing directly on my foot (fun times). He started to adjust a little better once he realized it was his usual field with all his belongings. I had 2 mints for him so when I went to give them to him he was very wary & wouldn't get too close but did after a minute or so take the mints. Now Ben never hesiatates to take any sort of treat but since it was dark & with his vision not 100% it was an issue for a moment. Now some might say then why is he out a night I he can't see as well. The answer is simple. He wants to be outside & the key for him to not be spooky outside is to have him out before the sun sets so his eyes can gradually adjust to the change in light. With that he is perfectly fine. If you attempt to move him around in the night you will not be successful. Going from bright barn lights to night sky is an adjustment even for us so consider if you have vision issues ontop of that. Remember he is by no means blind & changes in lighting are a thing for him. 

If your horse has cataracts or you suspect vision issues it's a good idea to consult your vet first. After that just be aware when working around them & take the needed precautions. Never put a fly mask on in the evening because that will further impare vision. Know that light changes can be a little more scary for them so take that in consideration. Cataracts are a normal againg process of the eye (Ben's case) but doesn't mean you can't still do everything you were before. You can but with more consideration. Hey there are blind horses or horses with one eye that do great! I do recommend a fly mask during fly seasons with UVA protection for any horse really to help protect the eyes. I personally love the Equine Sun Visor. It is away from the eyes & has all the needed protection you want. They even make a special one for horses that need higher levels of eye proctection.

For the future I will not be scheduling any appointments that require him to move around at night if I can avoid it. He has his set routine & is very happy with it. He has also been off all medications for over two weeks & appears to be doing well! His recheck test is in another two weeks so fingers crossed always.

Should've, Could've, Would've

We all find ourselves saying should've, would've, could've at some point in our lives or another. We all should have done something differently & could have done something differently & now after we have gone through a chapter in our lives we would have possibly done something different looking back. That's life though isn't it? We learn from these experiences  though falling sometimes harder than we'd like. You try to do what you think is right at that time based off what you have in front of you even though you have some doubt. That's where people say listen to your gut right? Looking back that "gut" feeling people are always talking about played out to be right even though I didn't always choose it, but instead choosing the more logical response. Sometimes the right thing doesn't make sense. It doesn't have to but it seems to have a way of working itself out. Follow what you feel on the inside & you will never make a wrong decision because your heart will have been in it. 

I myself look back on some decisions I have made for Ben in the past & again those three words whirl around in my head jabbing at me from time to time. I had a perfect place to turn Ben out on 24/7 turnout. It had large field with ample grass & beautiful large run in shed for him & beautiful facilities. I was 99% going to move him there but again logic kicked in & I last minute decided against it. He had never been out 24/7 year round, was older, & winter was approaching in a few months. There was also one issue I had with the place in question as well which mattered too much for me to let it go so to say. So instead of deciding what inside I knew was best for him I went with going with my own securities & keeping things the same. I don't regret going to the places we have been for we have met some amazing people I will never forget in the process, but I do often wonder had I just went ahead & done this years ago would any of this have happened? I will never know that answer but I now have him in that situation finally. It's what he has always wanted all along & deep inside I knew it. I was just too scared to actually take that leap until Ben had given me no choice in the matter. He teaches me a lot. He just wants to be a horse & for the first time I am following all of his wishes & allowing him to just be him.

These past 6 months have taught me a lot about myself, even more about Ben, & how you really need to let horses be horses. What's going through your head, your gut, your heart that might need a change? Don't cast it aside. Bring it forward & trust what you feel whole heartedly. You may be pleasantly surprised at what can come. I am glad for the lessons I have been taught & knowledge I have gained & the people I have come across through it all. If you could go back & possibly change a decision would you? I don't know the answer to that for me personally. I will still have those three little words that cast a shadow of doubt in the back of my mind. Should've, could've, would've.

Emotions Run High

This has been a very emotional week for me let alone this entire journey. Ben has officially been off all medications starting this past Monday. His last day of medications was on Sunday. While I am very happy I'm also extremely nervous. He has relied on these medications to make it through for the past 6 months. That isn't something to take lightly. Some people might say hey he's cured no need to worry anymore right? Wrong! I never officially found the original cause for the ulcers in the first place. I have my speculations in thinking he has always had some degree of ulcers, but I don't know why it spiraled so out of control. We hit rock bottom at that point. We had everything to loose including each other at his worst. I am so very grateful for the vet that didn't give in on us & urged me to take him to the hospital & not just pushing things aside just because he was older. She knew how much he meant to me & that I would do everything I possibly could to try to fix him. I am hoping with all the changes I put in place he won't have a reoccurrence of ulcers. I changed his diet completely after recommendations & rave reviews from close friend, changed his entire way of living to him having 24/7 turnout which he has surprisingly taken to extremely well & thriving with it, & changing every single supplement he was taking from his joint support to his gastric support. His attitude towards life has a brand new outlook again & his eyes smile every time I look into them. As said before in previous post I retired him completely to any & all riding activities so he can enjoy a well earned sound retirement full of being pampered & doing as he pleases. Can he be ridden? Sure he is fully sound & able but why should he? He has been fighting an internal battle for 6 long months & that's just treatment time this started way before that. Horses especially stoic ones such as Ben will hide things as much as they can until it consumes them to the point of great despair. Not only that but he has given humans roughly 25 full yrs of service (assuming he started at age 2 ) from racing on the track to strutting his stuff in the Hunter ring (& a few other rings) to dominating the trails & what obstacles may lay ahead. Sounds to me like a horse who should enjoy his golden years to how he wants to spend them.

Too many times people focus on young horses & how great they will be. Which is fine really but you always hear people wanting to trade in for a younger better model. How quickly they forget that those older especially senior horses people so often push aside or overlook have the most to share. They have experienced more than some people will in a lifetime. Not enough credit is given to them. That young horse you love so much now will become a senior some day & everything you do now will affect how comfortable he or she is in the future so keep that in mind. You love & care deeply for that younger horse but will you cherish them as they enter their senior years. Probably not because they aren't up to your standards any longer. That horse that's now a senior deserves respect & the same care & attention as its younger counterparts. Whether that be with you or a very good home otherwise. Just because they are older & some retired just think they once were the ribbon winners in that ring or the shinning star of the stable. The one everyone wanted to ride or show or own. Don't you ever look at them any less. They deserve respect. They could teach you life lessons you never thought possible. Older souls have the most to share & teach but only those with an open heart & mind are able to experience this incredible gift they can bestow upon you. When you look at them just think of all the things they have experienced & done not what they can no longer physically do.

Ben has been doing well "knocking furiously on wood" so far. He has only been off medciations for a total of 5 days. I want to keep things very routine for him & not change anything in hopes of warding off any possibilities of the ulcers returning. I find myself questioning why & what if on decisions I have made even to this day. I suppose we all end up doing that in such events that plague us. I am going to be adding a new supplement to his regmen as soon as its available. It's an Oat oil that is supposed to be very good for overall health, joints, & digestion! It has gotten rave reviews & great for keeping condition & putting weight & muscle on which is the last key to the puzzle for us (muscle part). I'm still looking to put back his hind end muscles better & get his weight up just enough to keep him good for winter months ahead. His weight is perfect currently though which was a battle in itself. Again his supplements include Assure Guard for gastric & colonic support, Steadfast for joint support (which has been amazing!) , & Assure Plus once a month for 7 days or sand removal (every vet recommended it). Hay is 1-2 flakes of western alfalfa & free choice grass hay in nibblenets. Feed is Cavalor Fiber Force given 3 times a day (3 quarts per serving). This has been his routine for months now. Here's to keep looking up.